New Attitude

These white folk on Telly always seem to be remarking on the remarkable warmth and friendliness of Kenyans but every time I hear this I can't help but wonder what in the hell they are going on about.

Here are a few things that have happened to me that make me think I am the last of a rapidly dying breed.

1.
Location: An elevator.
I was in the said elevator with one other person of the opposite sex. I was going to the 12th floor and she was going to the 10th. There was no elevator music and so I decided to have a go at having some palaver with this human being who shared this metal cage with me albeit for a short while. "Hi" I said, "So what is on the 10th floor?"
She looked at me as if I was something stuck under her shoe. I decided to shut-up. When she left the elevator, she looked back at me as you would a fly swimming in your soup.

2.
Location: A matatu.
It was a cool evening after a hard day at the office. After sitting myself in the mat, this lady come in and sat next to me. She was carrying a small baby in her arms. This baby was brand new, not older than two weeks. I decided to congratulate her. "Hi" I said, "So, what is his/her name?"
She didn't even look at me. So I asked again but a little louder. She turned slowly to face me. I mean really slowly. Ships must turn faster at the ports even without tugboats helping them. She didn't say a word. She then performed the same manouver but in the other direction. Thoroughly chastened, I said a short prayer for the child and left it at that.

3.
Location: A watering hole.
It was a cloudless Friday. After a long week I decided to treat myself and go have some drinks. I was having a whale of a time and so I decided to spread the cheer. I called the waiter and told him to go to Table 6 and give them one each of whatever they are drinking. Feeling happy with myself, I continued doing my thing. Five minutes later, A gentleman came to my table and said the following:
"Hi, I'm . I am at Table 6. The waiter has informed me that you are the one that ordered beer for us. Is it that you don't think I can afford alcohol. Or maybe the lady is yours. You know what, I'm leaving. You can have her."
Just as I was beginning to understand what had happened, a lady walked up to me and said
"Thanks alot!' and walked away.

Friendly? I don't think so. Neurotic? Maybe.

So, one day I was relaxing, nibbling on a sausage, at a restaurant after eating a whole grilled chicken. I was in that blissful state Tolkien calls "Filling in the corners". As it happened, this lady came in and sat at my table. I thought of talking to her but my recent experiences had left me decidedly reticent about reaching out to strangers. So she sat there and ordered her meal and began eating it. My mission at the restaurant accomplished, I stood up and left. Later on that night, unknown to her, due to those remarkable coincidences, I found myself sitting behind her in a matatu. She was waxing lyrical to her friend about this extremely rude guy who wouldn’t even pass her the salt at a table in a restaurant she was in earlier that day.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. She hadn’t even asked for the damned salt.